definition (def u nish un) n.

At the end of my previous blog, I wrote this line about the social aspect of my singles' ward:
"It's that other part that's so ... so UGH."

In re-reading my whiny blog : ), I wondered what the definition of UGH might be. & today it's completely different than it would have been then. (Thank goodness!)
I was thinking a lot about how difficult the Sunday PM experience was, & the agitation I felt, and I made it a goal to make this single's ward my place of growth. It's my 'testing ground' so to speak. It's not my place of solace & comfort (I could & actually DO have that in a family ward, but that's not where I feel I need to be). So it's my trial. My test. But not in the normal definitions. It's my place to take new steps, try new things, test new approaches - use as a trial run & testing ground. Trial & Test being verbs, not nouns, and verbs which I am acting out.

Honestly, so far that's exactly what I've been doing - I just haven't given it that name or official perspective. In the last day & a half, I have just basically changed the definition of what my role is & what the role of the ward is. I didn't really have a lot of expectations from the ward, but I think I had really underestimated the demands of the social world which comes with singles' life. I love going to church & feeling the Spirit. But I had forgotten how difficult it is to be actively, consistently social with a group of unknown faces & personalities. I haven't had to exert this kind of social & emotional readiness for several years. Being married allowed me a lot of emotional & social luxuries. & now I'm having to go back out & do a bunch of hard labor. It will exhaust me, but as long as I stick with it, I will strengthen and find joy & gratitude in it and for it.
I now see it as difficult. But very worthwhile. I am not in it with the purpose of obtaining anything from others. I am in it to give to others and gain experience...test my social interaction skills. I have specific goals. Hehe. (I get excited about this now.)

It's a new challenge. I have the opportunity to be in a place where I am still being tested & tried & pushed & stretched, and I get to find out how I'll respond. If I choose to be angry, annoyed, and judgemental, then I am choosing to miss out on those specific blessings I just blogged about in Precipice. I get to experiment with my faith & trust. Are there going to be really awkward, eye-crossing, want-to-die-or-kill-someone times? yep. Bring on the world of the guinea pig.

& I make a prediction: This ward will become a place of great joy & expression for me. It will be a place I look forward to being, and I will miss the people when I leave & move to Oregon. hehe
But this is not a place I am consigned to. The only place I am consigned to is my own heart & mind. & I choose today to work on making that better, joyfullier, and more peaceful.
(& I know it's technically more joyful. But joyfullier made me smile. Bigly.)

So today's definition of UGH is:

ugh (ug) n. 1. a challenge requiring great mental and emotional exertion in order to endure and overcome; a mountain to be conquered; a fight to be won.
2. an opportunity offering tremendous potential for growth and strengthening. 3. a gift.